Joshua bar Joseph (nazarene_josh) wrote,
Joshua bar Joseph

challenge: when in your life did you feel most alone?

When you have to save the world... you're pretty much always alone. I've learnt that.

There was the night Biff was with Maggie. The night before her wedding.

The time I spent in the mountains in Tibet, with the yeti. The things that he showed me, told me in his language. How the hunters slaughtered his kind, and they were so peaceful and gentle that they couldn't understand it, couldn't understand the cruelty of men.

The forty days in the desert, waiting for my father to speak to me.

The hours I spent on the cross.

In some ways, I've never really been alone. I've been a part of the universe, connected in ways that I only wish everyone else could be. Ways that I'm actually supposed to teach everyone else to be. *smiles*

But in other ways -- knowing that I must stay, that that's the job I've chosen. Bodhisattva is the word, one who could achieve enlightenment and leave this sphere of existence, leave earthly things behind, transcend, but who chooses not to. Who waits until all other men have gone before him, until he has helped the rest of humanity there first. Knowing that --

In some ways, I have never really known what it is to not be alone.

Protector, teacher...

It's a lonely business, saving the world.
Tags: alone, challenge
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You... Don't... Know... What... It's... Like. *growls with anger*

Blood of my Blood... I can never have. And not by choice.

Saving the world... *snorts* from what? Themselves? Another failure to add to your long list.
I know, Judas. Believe me, I know what it's like. To see, so clearly, what you want more than anything -- and not be able to have it? To know that you ought not even to want it?

I know.
Yours is by choice.

Mine... was forced upon me.

You don't know. But then, you never cared.
Is it easier for you to believe that? That I don't care?
It's easy for you to lie.
I don't lie, Judas. *smiles* Never been very good at it.
So you say.

*leans in closer*

You lied very well to me, my brother.
*does not move, does not flinch* And what lies did I tell you?
You know what they are, my brother. *reaches out to caress is cheek*
*takes his hand and pulls it, gently, away*

No, Judas, I don't. I never lied to you.

*a little sarcastically* You even got eternal life, didn't you? Looks like pretty much everything came true.
You call this LIVING! To forever drink the life of your children? To NEVER feel the pleasure that life can bring to you?

*Hand grabs his throat tightly*

To always be feared. To never be loved unless it's forced. To never...

Yes... you knew it would be this way and yet you led this little lamb to his slaughter.